Jessie Gruman featured on Martha Stewart

Dealing with a Devastating Medical Diagnosis
Martha Stewart.com, 31 March 2009

What would you do if you were diagnosed with a life-threatening illness? How would you handle this news? While shock, fear, and even hysteria might be normal reactions, it's helpful to have a guide for what's often a very tumultuous road ahead.

When you're given the news that you have cancer, HIV, or another serious diagnosis, it may feel as if your world has shattered and all of your plans for the future have vanished in a flash. You feel fear, despair, anger, sadness -- often all at once. It's understandable; a serious diagnosis is a crisis, and you should treat it as one. Don't force yourself to go to work or make big decisions while you're really upset. Give yourself time to pull it together: Spend time with loved ones; don't forget to eat; nap if you can; cry if you feel like it. There are no rewards for being tough. It's a tribute to human resilience that as you learn more and adjust to the shock, you'll find you regain some focus and are able to take the important next steps.

Finding a good doctor is really important -- begin by looking for a specialist who has extensive experience treating the exact disease you have. Finding that person can be a puzzle. There are many referral sources, and none of them will tell you everything you need to know. The tried and true way is to ask a physician you know and like to refer you to another physician that he or she has worked with before.

Guides such as "America's Top Doctors" and New York magazine's best doctors list are good sources as well. Also keep in mind that different people have different preferences: Some want doctors who are all business, or who do research, or who are really warm and personable. Once you find a doctor who has the technical competence, schedule to meet with him or her and use your own judgment -- can you trust this person to work with you and do his or her best for you?

It is also important to get a second and sometimes even a third opinion. This can be tough; after a serious diagnosis, it's common to feel a sense of urgency to get started on treatment immediately. This is not wise. Get at least one additional opinion before you proceed.

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